Love You! 2-13-12

I got one of those forwarded emails this week. I usually don’t like forwards but
sometimes you come across one that is really good and worth forwarding. This forward
had a statement in it that really stuck out to me. It said “The only person you spend your
entire life with is yourself.” Wow! Who wants to spend their entire life with someone
they don’t like or aren’t satisfied with. I haven’t always been happy with me or satisfied
with myself. There was always something that needed work or something I wanted to
change about myself. Now there are still areas that I need to grow in and some things
I’d like to redefine and some parts of me I am reinventing. But overall, I am happy with
me. No one will love me like me and no one will love me more than me accept God.
So, since I’m stuck with me, I might as well like me and love me. Sometimes we can
be so hard on ourselves! Chill out! Truly loving yourself allows you to view the world
differently. Loving the “total you”, character flaws, shortcomings, faults and all, allows
you to love and accept others for who they are and gives you the ability to meet them
where they are. Loving “you” allows you to really love others. Liking “you” allows you
to truly like others. If you don’t like something about yourself, change it! For example,
I can’t complain about being “plus size” if I am not willing to put down my salt and
vinegar potato chips or at least eat only half the bag (Don’t Judge Me! LOL!), what am I
complaining for? That is insane! Either put down the chips or shut up! There is nothing
about yourself that you don’t like that God is not willing to either help you change or
help you to view differently! Just ask Him!! Let’s just say you don’t like your hair; it’s
nappy, short and dry. Now maybe you can’t change the texture of you hair but God can
put some “happy to be nappy” sistas’ in your life to show you how to love what you got,
so you can view those naps differently. For some of us, it is not about changing you but
it is about changing your view! God can help you do both! I want you to love you and
I want you to like you. It is a great place to be in your life. God loves you; who are you
not to!

Live, Like, Love, Learn, and Live to Love Again 1-23-12

Recently, I had the opportunity to encourage a friend who was nervous about meeting someone new.  He had been given the number of a young lady and he was hesitant to give her a call.  For my readers who are single and looking to find love or looking to be found, this can be a true roller coaster ride.  Do I call, do I not?  Do I put myself out there to be hurt?  What if they reject me?  What if they like me but, I'’m really not feeling them?  What if they don’'t like the way I look?  And the list of questions and doubts go on and on…….  If you are hesitant in starting a new relationship because you have made bad decisions in relationships in the past, get over it!  We all have made bad decisions at some point in the relationships we have encountered.  If you are hesitant because you were in a relationship with someone who made bad choices that left you scarred; most people have experienced that as well.  Every failed or broken relationship we have been in had some lessons for us to learn.  Reflect on the relationship, see what lesson was learned (or should have been learned), and move past either the hurt or the void you feel was left as a result.  If you feel like you have loved and lost, at some point we all have and now is the time to seek out or take hold to every opportunity to meet someone new or at least be open to it.  If you meet someone and they don't seem to be that into you, it’s okay.  It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.  I like fruit but I don’t like raspberries.  It doesn’'t mean that there is something wrong with raspberries, they just aren’'t my preference.  Usually we feel rejected or let down when there is a higher expectation than the situation really deserves.  Sometimes we go into the first conversation thinking “Oh, this could be the one!”  Just chill out and take it one moment at a time.  If they never call you again, oh well.  Keep it moving!  Remember, men are like buses, they'’ll be another one coming along shortly.  Just be patient!  Or you can just throw in the towel and take the long walk home.  I chose to wait on the bus, caus' the shoes I wear wouldn'’t make it past one block! LOL!!  My husband isn’t perfect and neither am I, but I believe we are perfect for each other.  Live, Like, Love, Learn, and Live to Love again (not necessarily in that order!) 

Puff Puff, Give Give! 1-16-12

I have a really big pet peeve!  I believe that relationships should have a “puff puff, give give”; a sharing between those in the relationship.  It really annoys me when someone wants you to share all of your business with them and they are not willing to share anything about themselves!  My thoughts are, we both need to have something to lose.  When you know personal information about someone and they have personal information about you, I think there is more of a sense of accountability in not sharing each other's information with other people so we both have something to lose if sensitive information is shared with others.  Being a private person is fine.  I would like to consider myself to be a private person in some instances, and because of that I don't expect any of my friends to share any more information than I am willing to share.  My mom always taught me to be leery of people who always want you to share what's going on in your world while they share absolutely nothing about what's going on in theirs.  There are some relationships that I like to call “therapeutic relationships/friendships”.  This is where the relationship is more of one when one person looks to the other for guidance or a listening ear.  The relationship is kind of one-sided but the roles are clear between the two people involved.  Those that serve in the “therapist” role are not the one’s I'm talking about.  I am talking about the people who are usually just nosy and guarded all at the same time and oftentimes “can’t hold water”.  I have a few of these people in my life.  They have some great qualities but when it comes to me sharing my challenges that make me vulnerable, I don't!  Real relationships need balance. So know, if we don’t have an exchange of “sensitive” information, I ain’t tellin’ you JACK!

Everybody Needs A Chrissy! 1-9-12

Okay, I admit it!  I love watching Love & Hip Hop!  Yep I said it!  I love that show!  (Don't judge me!  LOL!)  And yes, my favorite character is Chrissy!  I believe that everybody needs a Chrissy in their life.  Everybody needs somebody that is in their corner and will cuss somebody out on behalf of their friend or whoop some tail if they have too!  Now, don't get me wrong, I can fight my own battles.  But, I have had some times in my life where I was so broken that I had to use all of my strength to keep my head above water and just did not have it in me to handle my "light work".  (Do you remember saying that as a kid? Or is that a Detroit thing?)  Sometimes when you can't, you need someone who can!  Chrissy fights hard, and loves even harder!  If you don't have a Chrissy, get one!  It's like flour in the kitchen cupboard; you might not use it all the time but when the grease gets hot you'll be pissed that you don't have it on hand!  (Yes I made that up.  It is my saying and I like it! LOL!) 

Power of the Pen 1-2-12

The Power of the Pen

With all of this technology, we have forgotten the power of the pen.  There is nothing like the power of the pen once it hits paper.  The soft touch as the ball rolls across the paper expressing your most intimate thoughts and feelings.  The deep strokes that form indentations that scream hurt, anger, and pain while the pages in their weakness receive all of it.  Nothing like the fragile vulnerability seen in the pages as tears fall upon them ever so lightly.  The pen has the ability to rap, spit, sing, and almost dance across pages.  Words and pen make beautiful music together, played out on paper.  I Have a Dream, Still I Rise, Invictis, Phenomenal Woman, all started with the stroke of a pen.  These words were life changing.  These words put to paper sparked the flames that still smolder today.  God said it best, "Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it." What will you write?

~Javonne 2011

Make it Work and Get Back to the Basics! 12-26-11

Sometimes we can focus so much on what we don't have instead of what we do have.  I have been in a place before, when I wasn'’t working, where we really didn't have much food in the house and had $5.00 in the bank to keep our account open.  Now that's broke!  There are so many things that we do that are wants and not needs, but we consider ourselves broke.  Getting our hair done, stopping for fast food, buying those little extras are all things we want to do and not things that we need to do.  There are so many people that wish they could get their hair done or hair cut bi-weekly or even monthly but really they just can't afford it.  There are many that are trying to figure out how they are going to get to work when their tank is on empty and they have no money.  I remember after the earthquake in Haiti I started looking at things differently as far as what's needed and what's wanted.  I have slipped away from that thinking a lot!  Do our kids really need 25 shirts and 20 pairs of jeans?  Do we really need the entire MAC make-up collection, 15 COACH purses, or 50 pairs of shoes?  And the list goes on………........ If you/we are tired of living paycheck to paycheck there are a lot of changes we could make to make it happen.  Sometimes we get too caught up in what we feel we deserve because we go to work everyday.  Yes, you should always pay your bills and pay yourself something when you get paid.  But, how much are you paying yourself?  Americans are known to be over indulgers.  And we do; we over indulge in a lot of things and get confused about what we are owed and what we deserve.  I think I am going to try to get back to the basics and be more thankful for what I have and make the most of it.  We’'ve lost some of the “make it work” mentality.  My grandmother “made it work” with 11 kids and 3 bedrooms and we can'’t make it work with 4 kids and three bedrooms.  She could take one chicken, some rice and some veggies and feed the entire family and have some left over!  I got to get back to the basics!  I want to learn to take whatever I have and “make it work”.  Not necessarily out of necessity but just because.  Why not take what you have, make the most out of it, and actually have something leftover to save or use for something else?  I got to do better.  I’'m going to do better!  This is not a quick fix, or a resolution, but a lifestyle change.  Here we go………………….................... you comin'?

Preservation Leads to Perseverance! 12-12-11, 12-19-11

I got an e-mail from my best friend the other day.  It really blessed me!  First, I want to say how important it is to have cheerleaders in your corner.  In this race we call life, sometimes you need someone to encourage you to keep the pace, keep running, and/or push a little harder.  But as I digress…...(LOL)… here’'s an excerpt from her e-mail: “"You preserve and you have perseverance.  Some people hold on to negativity and junk but you hold on to the positive and precious.  Some people start from scratch but you’'d rather add to something old to make it look new by sprucing it up.  I really admire that in you.  Keep preserving and persevering.  That really is a gift and not everyone knows this about you so it had to come from me.  …I see you!”"  I really never thought about it, but it’s true.  I hold on to a lot of things; from jewelry to clothes to poetry from years past.  Now I’'m not talking about junk (I declare I am not a hoarder! LOL!)  I mean things that will never go out of style or things to remind me of a certain time in my life.  I learned this from my mother.  When my mom found out I was pregnant, she revealed to me that she had saved my crib that she used when I was a baby.  It was in perfectly good condition.  Given my mother passed before my oldest was born, this meant a whole lot to me!  I used it for both of my children. 
If something isn’'t worth preserving, it should either be destroyed or given away.   To preserve also means to maintain or keep from danger and the opposite of it is to destroy.  Oftentimes, we do well at preserving tangible things but fail at preserving the things we can’'t see or touch.  There are some things in our lives that we need to preserve, things like our hearts, love for people and things that are healthy for us, positive relationships/friendships, positive thinking, health, family traditions, fond memories of loved ones who have passed away, etc.  So many of these things can be preserved and built upon to make your life more abundant.  Some of us have some intangible things in our lives that need to be dusted off, shined up, and spruced up to use as building blocks for other things in your life.  For instance, it use to be so painful to think about my mom.  We were so close and when she passed it was one of the most painful experiences I have ever encountered.  Given this, it was much easier for me to tuck her away, along with the pain, and not think about it.  But one day I realized that to think of her was to think of the things she taught me, which I decided to dust off and use as one of the building blocks for this website you are reading right now.  So, what I hope you get from this is, destroy or let go of the intangible negative things that are of no worth and will do you more harm than good and preserve the positive intangibles in your life and use them as building blocks to persevere and reach higher heights! 
Love Y’all!