I got an e-mail from my best friend the other day. It really blessed me! First, I want to say how important it is to have cheerleaders in your corner. In this race we call life, sometimes you need someone to encourage you to keep the pace, keep running, and/or push a little harder. But as I digress…...(LOL)… here’'s an excerpt from her e-mail: “"You preserve and you have perseverance. Some people hold on to negativity and junk but you hold on to the positive and precious. Some people start from scratch but you’'d rather add to something old to make it look new by sprucing it up. I really admire that in you. Keep preserving and persevering. That really is a gift and not everyone knows this about you so it had to come from me. …I see you!”" I really never thought about it, but it’s true. I hold on to a lot of things; from jewelry to clothes to poetry from years past. Now I’'m not talking about junk (I declare I am not a hoarder! LOL!) I mean things that will never go out of style or things to remind me of a certain time in my life. I learned this from my mother. When my mom found out I was pregnant, she revealed to me that she had saved my crib that she used when I was a baby. It was in perfectly good condition. Given my mother passed before my oldest was born, this meant a whole lot to me! I used it for both of my children.
If something isn’'t worth preserving, it should either be destroyed or given away. To preserve also means to maintain or keep from danger and the opposite of it is to destroy. Oftentimes, we do well at preserving tangible things but fail at preserving the things we can’'t see or touch. There are some things in our lives that we need to preserve, things like our hearts, love for people and things that are healthy for us, positive relationships/friendships, positive thinking, health, family traditions, fond memories of loved ones who have passed away, etc. So many of these things can be preserved and built upon to make your life more abundant. Some of us have some intangible things in our lives that need to be dusted off, shined up, and spruced up to use as building blocks for other things in your life. For instance, it use to be so painful to think about my mom. We were so close and when she passed it was one of the most painful experiences I have ever encountered. Given this, it was much easier for me to tuck her away, along with the pain, and not think about it. But one day I realized that to think of her was to think of the things she taught me, which I decided to dust off and use as one of the building blocks for this website you are reading right now. So, what I hope you get from this is, destroy or let go of the intangible negative things that are of no worth and will do you more harm than good and preserve the positive intangibles in your life and use them as building blocks to persevere and reach higher heights!
Love Y’all!
Monday, December 26, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Empty Threats 12-4-11
I was sitting at the table thinking about what in the world and I going to write this week. My youngest was doing something he had no business and I was about to make one of those famous empty threats that we as mothers, wives, and girlfriends often make. If you do (or don’t do) this, then…………! If you do _______ again then I’m ________! Then we follow up by………. (silence)……..(crickets)…….(more silence)….. Yep that’s right, NOTHING! Empty threats maybe considered as a form of manipulation. We hope that those empty words will elicit the response and/or action we were hoping for. The truth is empty threats are just that empty! They are usually a result of some type of emotion; whether it be hurt, anger, etc. I had a friend who would threaten her husband that she was leaving every time he committed, what I’ll call, a major offense. The truth is, they both knew she wasn’t going anywhere. He knew it, so he kept doing what he was doing. Although, she may not have wanted to admit it to herself and anybody else, deep down she knew it too. My mom would often say, “I can show you better than I can tell you.” My mom was a woman of her word, if she said it, you bettah believe it’s going down! LOL! Empty threats provoke temporary responses. He may have appeared or even tried to change his behavior for a little while, but usually resorted back to his old behavior; and the cycle continued. She would threaten him, he would appease her, then back to old behavior. My thoughts are, if you love him, you love him! It is much better that you maybe not say anything, voice how the action made you feel, and leave the threat alone; rather than start the cycle of empty threat after empty threat. My mom told me when I started dating, don’t say it’s over or you’re leaving until you are ready to back it up. It is what it is! If you want to stay, then stay. If you want to leave, be smart about it, and plan accordingly. But, if you’re married and you can work it out, work it out. I would never encourage a woman to leave her husband! If you love him, you love him, and keep it movin’! If you’ve had enough, then you’ve had enough, and keep it movin’! If nothing else, remember this; No emotional decisions and no empty threats. Be a woman of your word. Silence is okay. Take the time to really think it out before you respond. Love y'all for real!
Preservation Leads to Perseverance! 12-11-11
I got an e-mail from my best friend the other day. It really blessed me! First, I want to say how important it is to have cheerleaders in your corner. In this race we call life, sometimes you need someone to encourage you to keep the pace, keep running, and/or push a little harder. But as I digress…...(LOL)… here’s an excerpt from her e-mail: “"You preserve and you have perseverance. Some people hold on to negativity and junk but you hold on to the positive and precious. Some people start from scratch but you’d rather add to something old to make it look new by sprucing it up. I really admire that in you. Keep preserving and persevering. That really is a gift and not everyone knows this about you so it had to come from me. …I see you!”" I really never thought about it, but it’s true. I hold on to a lot of things; from jewelry to clothes to poetry from years past. Now I’m not talking about junk (I declare I am not a hoarder! LOL!) I mean things that will never go out of style or things to remind me of a certain time in my life. I learned this from my mother. When my mom found out I was pregnant, she revealed to me that she had saved my crib that she used when I was a baby. It was in perfectly good condition. Given my mother passed before my oldest was born, this meant a whole lot to me! I used it for both of my children.
If something isn’t worth preserving, it should either be destroyed or given away. To preserve also means to maintain or keep from danger and the opposite of it is to destroy. Oftentimes, we do well at preserving tangible things but fail at preserving the things we can’t see or touch. There are some things in our lives that we need to preserve, things like our hearts, love for people and things that are healthy for us, positive relationships/friendships, positive thinking, health, family traditions, fond memories of loved ones who have passed away, etc. So many of these things can be preserved and built upon to make your life more abundant. Some of us have some intangible things in our lives that need to be dusted off, shined up, and spruced up to use as building blocks for other things in your life. For instance, it use to be so painful to think about my mom. We were so close and when she passed it was one of the most painful experiences I have ever encountered. Given this, it was much easier for me to tuck her away, along with the pain, and not think about it. But one day I realized that to think of her was to think of the things she taught me, which I decided to dust off and use as one of the building blocks for this website you are reading right now. So, what I hope you get from this is, destroy or let go of the intangible negative things that are of no worth and will do you more harm than good and preserve the positive intangibles in your life and use them as building blocks to persevere and reach higher heights!
Love Y’all!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Young Hoes Make Old Hoes! 11-27-11
I use to operate under the premise that a person couldn't be foolish all their life. But, more recently I realized that that is not always true. There are some men that will remain deadbeats until they die. There are some women that will remain crazy baby mommas until they die. In many instances, young fools make old fools and young hoes make old hoes. (Yes I said hoes!) Under my old thinking, it made perfectly good sense to me that over time and many life lessons, everybody learns from past foolishness, hurt, and stupid decisions and ultimately become super wise senior citizens. YEA RIGHT! I know a woman who is 80 years old. She is more concerned about her appearance than she is the foolish things she says. She is a complete diva; or at least she thinks she is! She dresses very nice, keeps her hair whipped, wears very nice accessories, and wears expensive perfume. She does not look her age at all! But after having a conversation with her, I walked away amazed! How we got on the subject I don't know, but this woman had the audacity to tell me Ive always loved dating married men! I could be bothered with them when I wanted to and then they could go home to their wives. (She probably still does!) REALLY?? Who says that?!!! Who says that to a married woman?!!! And even more importantly, who says that at 80 years old?!!! I guess what I expected to hear was Honey, when I was younger I did some crazy stupid things. I dated married men, not thinking that one day I would be married and would hate for my husband to cheat. But I guess not everyone learns from their mistakes. Some people use those mistakes, those hurts, those dumb decisions as stepping stones to elevate them to higher levels of ignorance, bitterness, and foolishness. I have said all this to say, in the words of my dad "Don't be a fool all your life!" Really! Don't go through life having learned nothing. Don't be an 80 year old dead beat, an 80 year old fool, an 80 year old hoe, or an 80 year old bitter baby momma. Who wants to go through life like that?! I hope that everything I have experienced has made me better and wiser, not bitter and battered.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
I Am A Thermostat Not A Thermometer 11-20-11
Recently I had someone apologize to me. This may have been one of the lamest attempts at an apology I’ve ever heard. It was one of those, “If I’ve done anything to offend you” apologies. I hate these kinds of apologies! They are such a cop out! You know you offended me! This way you get to apologize without really accepting responsibility for your actions or acknowledging the fact that what you did was wrong. So, all while this person was apologizing, I was praying asking the Lord to give me what to say because I knew that my response would be the thermostat that set the climate of our conversation. I could either “GO OFF” and give this person what I felt they deserved, which probably would have resulted in some cuss (yea I said cuss, not curse) words and somebody hanging up midstream or I could listen and try to meet this person where they were. In doing this, I realized that this was really the best this person could do. The fact that they were making an attempt to apologize at all, I’m sure was a big step for them. A beautiful woman of God, Jackie Flowers, told me one day “Honey, you are a thermometer not a thermostat. You have got to set the atmosphere around you, not just display the temperature.” That was so profound to me! As much as I wanted to let this person HAVE IT! It just wasn’t in me. It would not have shown her, the Real Woman she was dealing with, nor would it have made the situation any better. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes I wish it was in me to bust (yes I said bust not burst) some car windows, slash some tires, and cuss yo’ *ss out! (Gotta be real about it!) But honestly, that just isn’t the woman that God created me to be. My mom taught me that you never let another person have so much control over you that they push you to get out of character and you never let them see you sweat. As hard as it may be sometimes you have to “meet people where they are”. I am proud of myself, I was able to genuinely accept her apology and “keep it movin’!”
Monday, November 14, 2011
It's Okay 11-6-11
It is okay to be upset, and it is okay to be angry or mad.
It is okay to cry sometimes, and let it out when you are sad.
It is okay to say no, when a yes is too much of a task.
It is okay when you are in need of help, to lift your voice and ask.
It is okay when you are frustrated, to let out a yell or a scream.
It is okay when you’re having a moment to eat a big bowl of ice cream.
It is okay that you can’t do everything, and need some time to rest.
It is okay to take care of yourself, as only you can do it the best.
It is okay today and everyday, to hold yourself in high esteem.
Don’t bow your head as your crown may fall, its okay that you’re a queen!
~Javonne Granderson
© 2011
Sometimes we just need to know its okay. Whatever emotion you may feel, whatever “moment” you may be having It’s Okay! It’s okay if the dishes stay in the sink over night because you were just too tired to finish. The world will not end! It’s okay that you cannot be everything to everybody at all times. You are one woman with two hands and ten fingers and you can only do what one woman with two hands and ten fingers can do. If you were created to do more, God would have given you more hands and more fingers! So, in my old lady voice “Sat down!” You still rock!
Superwoman 10-30-11
Singing “I’m not your Superwoman, I’m not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything’s okay. Boy, I am only human.……….” in my Karyn White voice. Ladies, ladies, ladies, how many of us have declared “I am not your superwoman” as you stand there with your cape and a leotard with a big “S” on your chest. We do it all the time! Oftentimes we complain of not getting any help, being overwhelmed, tired, and broke down. I watched my mom for years, do all of the cleaning and fussin’ about cleaning, and groomed me to do the same thing. I remember as a young lady, my mom telling me “when you get married, don’t start doing something unless you plan on doing it for the rest your marriage”. That statement is so true. Many of us started this thing off ALL WRONG! First off, we started playing wifey before we even became wifey; some of us in hopes that he would “put a ring on it” as a result. Womp Womp!! All Wrong!! All that cookin’ breakfast, lunch, and dinner, cleaning, running errands, and taking care of his business, that you either started before you got married or right at the beginning of your marriage got you all “twisted up in the game”! LOL!! See, as you gain more responsibilities as a wife and a mother (whether they are children you birthed or not) the expectation for you to continue what you started doesn’t change. Not to any fault of their (husbands) own; much of this we created ourselves. Oftentimes we work harder not smarter!
I remember having a love/hate relationship with the holidays when I was a kid. My mom would pull out the good silver and polish it, she would bring out the good China from the China
I hear women complain all the time about how their husbands can’t clean, cook, do laundry, watch the kids (without someone being rushed to the hospital), or change a diaper! We teach people how to treat us! This includes husbands, family, and friends! If you started being Superwoman at the beginning, know that you will have to keep it up! But there is help! Slowly but surely, we have to relinquish some control! We share everything else; now learn to share some responsibilities. Even if your husband or whoever, doesn’t do it the way you want it done, at least its getting done. If you need help, ask for help. Even if he doesn’t do it the first time, don’t stop asking. I don’t mean nagging; there is a difference! I can hear some of you saying “please he ain’t gon’ help me do NOTHING!” And guess what? Maybe not! Some cases are more serious and tougher than others. But even a small change is better than no change. But even if you can’t get him to be more helpful, you can change you! You can learn to do what you can, and whatever you can’t, will not cause the world to end! From one Superwoman to another, remove the cape! To the married Superwomen, find a way to finish what you started. To the single Superwomen, don’t start what you may not want to finish later! Love Y’all!
Javonne G.
I'm the Queen Bee! 10-23-11
I’m the Queen Bee!
Last weekend as a gift to celebrate my launch and toast, my husband bought me a Pandora bracelet. I was so excited. There were two beads on it. One was a bead representing faith, love, and hope, and the other was a Queen Bee. He said he got me the Queen Bee because I am the Queen Bee of our household. He said that his mother only gave the title of Queen Bee to certain women. Women who took care of business. Women who new how to help manage their households and could hold it down no matter what. Wow! What a compliment! So, I started thinking about how in the media there are a lot of women who refer to themselves as Queen B’s, meaning Queen B*tch’s. Unlike this new thing of calling yourself and other women b*tch as a compliment or in a joking manner, I have absolutely no desire to describe myself, let alone anybody I consider a friend, such a name. So, I decided to look up what a Queen Bee really is and here is what I found:
A Queen Bee is an adult, mated female that lives in a honey bee colony or hive; she is usually the mother of most, if not all, the bees in the hive. The queens are developed from larvae selected by worker bees and specially fed royal jelly. If not for being heavily fed royal jelly, the queen larva would have developed into a regular worker bee. ~Wikipedia
This got me to thinking! The only thing that separates a Queen Bee from a worker bee is the fact that she was fed “royal jelly” exclusively which allowed her to further develop into a Queen instead of a regular worker. Hmmm….. So then I got to thinking about women. It is true that every woman is not a “Queen Bee”. And really, what separates us is what we feed ourselves. If you feed on mess, you are bound to be just a regular “worker”. Mess can be a lot of things like: bitterness, anger, hatred, discontentment, unhappiness, complaining, sexual promiscuity, always minding somebody else’s business, and the list goes on. If you feed on mess (negativity), you’ll always be a worker; a woman that is in the process of workin’ on something and never getting anything accomplished. You’ll always be workin’ on your attitude and still being just as “stank” as you were 5 years ago. (Don’t try to act like you don’t know what I mean when I say stank!) You’ll always be workin’ on your marriage and you will still be in the same unhappy jacked up relationship you were in 7 years ago. You’ll always be workin’ on steering your children in the right direction and still have the same “Bebe Kids” that nobody wants to watch! Now I don’t say all of this meaning Queen Bee’s don’t have work to do! Because we do! It’s just the outcome is different. Our outcome is different because of what we put into ourselves. A Queen Bee can see the fruit of her labor. A Queen Bee is too busy taking care of her own household to be concerned about what is going on in someone else’s. Queen Bees have the ability to focus on what’s important and know how to keep the “main thing” the “main thing”. There may be a few busy bees that think they have what it takes to take over the colony. But, if you are a Queen Bee, there is really no need to worry. They are a few gallons short of “royal jelly”. Unlike real life, it is not too late to become a Queen Bee. If you desire to be a Queen Bee just change your eating habits. Start feeding on humbleness, happiness, joy, wisdom, truth, unselfishness, love, and a host of other positive things. Then you can turn that hoe (garden tool) in for a crown (there may have been a slight pun intended thereJ) and become the Queen Bee that you were truly created to be!
Javonne G.
Style and Confidence 10-15-11
I have Something to Say about STYLE and CONFIDENCE! At 20 I thought I knew who I was, what I wanted to do, and where I wanted to go. At 30, I realized at 20 I really didn’t have it all figured out and have since made many changes in my life from what I want to do and who I want to do it with, to what I want to wear while doing it. At 35, I have my own sense of style. I have my own glasses through which I view the world and form my own opinions. I cut my hair off, dyed it blonde and now rock a Mohawk! Who would have thought I’d do that? Not me!!! Some days I over accessorize; some days I tone it down, while others I turn it up. There is really no method to my madness. At this point in my life, “"it is what it is".” Every hill, every valley, every mountain top, and every curve on this body of mine……....................IS MINE!!! I own them and I am not ashamed. I am comfortable in my own skin. I used to be concerned about what other people would be wearing when I went somewhere. Will I be over dressed? Will I be under dressed? Who cares!!!! Whatever I wear, I rock it how I rock it, and I feel good in it!
Ladies, I encourage you to find your own style. Dare to be different or just dare to be you-whatever "“you”" is. I have found that for me, which may not be for everybody, putting time into your appearance and your style feels good. It can make what looks to be a dreary day, feel like it is filled with sunshine. In the winter, I like to wear fun socks, whether they match what I am wearing or not; besides they're down in my boots anyway. I might be rockin' a cold pair of grey patent leather boots, but down on the inside might be a pair of green socks with penguins! LOL!! Hey, it makes me feel good and I think it is hilarious!!! I have said all this to say: if you are bald headed, rock it! Get you some lashes and play up your make-up. Or get you a bad (bad meaning good) wig and rock it! If you are a big girl, so what!!!! Get you some Spanx, throw some heels on (see #2 on my Pearls of Wisdom page at http://www.somethin2say.com/), and keep it movin’! Spanx or any other type of shapewear can work wonders! Find your own style and be confident in it. It may take some time, but you can do it!!!
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